Arrival of a Rival?
User Ratings: 
Welcoming a baby to the family is one of life's greatest joys. But when your one-and-only is promoted to big brother or big sister, confusion and even resentment can result. Here are some sure-fire hints to help you pave the way for perfect harmony.
Understand where your firstborn is coming from. "Toddlers don't have the advanced language skills or emotional maturity to share complex feelings," says Debbie Glasser, Ph.D., past chair of the National Parenting Education Network and founder of NewsForParents.org. "They aren't able to say things like, 'I'm feeling left out when you hold the baby,' or 'I worry you won't have time for me anymore!' You may see more tantrums, clinginess and mixed emotions during the first few months after the new arrival's birth. Be patient and supportive. If you notice an increase in aggressive behavior, set appropriate limits and always provide adult supervision."
Prime your child's expectations. The very phrase-the new baby-can be threatening to a toddler who still wants to be babied sometimes and who may worry about being replaced in her parents' affections, says Glasser. During her pregnancy with baby number two, Theresa Reise is spending lots of time talking to her elder daughter, Isabella, age 2, about what newborns are like. "She was saying she wanted to play with the baby. I realized that she needed to know that instead of an instant playmate, at first the baby would sleep, eat and cry a lot. So we talk about how babies grow, and we read books to help get the idea across," says the Redford, Mich. mom.
Spend mommy-and-me time. "Although your free time will be more limited than ever, it's important to find time every day to connect with your toddler after the baby's birth," says Glasser. Ask your partner or a caregiver to watch your baby while you and your older child take a walk, play a game or snuggle and read-without interruptions-for 30 minutes or so.
Include your toddler in baby care. Some older siblings feel less threatened if they can help by bringing you a clean diaper or gently rubbing the baby's back after a feeding. Don't push it if he resists.
Make her feel proud. Your firstborn may want to be affectionate but may not know just how to do so. Show your toddler a safe place to caress the baby, such as on the feet, and make sure she knows she's doing it right. Say, "Sam feels so good when you sing to him. He loves you so much!" And, adds Glasser, "Be sure to tell friends and relatives-within earshot of your toddler-how happy the baby is to have such a special big brother or sister!"